What gets me is the newer bottles dressings come in, particularly ranch dressing.  Some of them have started including a squeeze style spout that makes it much handier to control the flow vs the old standard pour method.  There are some bottle styles where you know they will include the new squeeze style, but if you have a standard style bottle, it is a bit of hit or miss.  Our local store doesn’t always stock the “known” bottle style, so when we purchase a regular bottle, it is pretty much hit or miss.  We have looked the bottle over, and there is no indication which style spout you are getting.

I know, big deal, right?  I beg to differ.  When you have kids under the age of ten, and multiple of them at that, having a flow control spout is a point of interest.  This is especially true when your previous bottle was a nice controlled version, and the new one isn’t.  Kids, and us adults for that matter, get used to simply tipping over the bottle and squirting out how much you want.  With a regular pour spout, this approach brings an unwelcome surprise.  “Have a little salad with your dressing” is the common joke for the situation.

With a dressing such as ranch, I just can’t see why you would ever not want a spout that controls the flow.  Does anyone really like globs dressing spaced throughout your salad instead of a nice spread out small stream?

Of course if I was really doing it the right way I would do the fork-dip method the weight loss programs suggest, but then that wouldn’t be all that much fun now would it?!

How many times do we use phrases like that out of habit when they don’t really apply. The most common I hear is “How you doin?” when you first start talking with someone. Bank tellers, cashiers and other people you really don’t know really don’t care how you are doing, but this is the first thing that gets said. Usually the response is “fine” or “great” and then you ask them back how they are. Pleasantries aside you get down to the intended conversation. Do we say these things really to be pleasant, or simply out of sheer habit? I have a friend who’s dad has made it his personal joke to respond to this common question with “terrible,” “just awful” or something similar to catch people off guard.

I don’t watch a lot of TV these days, at least not general TV for the sake of just watching. When I do, I like to catch a few particular shows if they happen to be on. I hate reality shows in general, I find no desire to watch people argue about things that really don’t matter and basically put on a strange act to try and garner the most camera time in their 15 minutes of fame. There are a few that I enjoy though that I don’t know if they really fall under “reality shows” but the generally get typed as that. They are the shows that actually do something good with their funding, like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the car shows like Overhaulin’ and Trick My Truck.

It is on the last show mentioned, Trick My Truck, that the shop owner gives a corny little speech at the end about how they are happy to have helped the trucker by making his truck something special. At the end of his speech, he always uses his signature sign off, “We’ll be seein’ ya.” Some writer obviously decided the show needed that endearing little phrase at the end to tie them all together. I prefer to use the opportunity to jump ahead 30 seconds on my DVR if I happen to have some show time in memory from pausing earlier, which I usually end up doing because of the common kid-based interruptions.

To give him credit, in this case he is actually referring to to him and his “crew” when he says “we’ll” so the phrase actually works. What made me laugh this morning is when an individual uses the phrase. It was just two guys chatting outside the convenience store that had obviously bumped in to each other when filling up or grabbing a fountain drink. I happened to be walking buy when the “We’ll be seein’ ya” popped out and they parted ways. I laughed inside and actually thought about looking around and behind him and asking, “where are the other people?” I know, petty and not all that funny, which is why I actually didn’t do it.

Brian Regan, the comedian I have mentioned several times on this site has a great bit about the “you too” misuse. In his joke he talks about a taxi driver wishing him a nice flight and a waiter wishing him a nice meal, and how his habitual response of “you too” just not fitting those kind of situations. I crack myself up when I incorrectly say something completely of habit because I think back to this joke. Isn’t it a lot like when young kids make that oh so embarrassing
mistake of calling their teacher “mom” for the first time?

We are creatures of habit, and our speech is laden with little idiosyncrasies like this. What are your some of your favorites?

One current technology I enjoy is a wireless phone.  I am not talking about a mobile phone, which is a good and bad technology of its own, but just the simple cordless variety in the home.  We  used to have a couple of them, but last year we purchased a single base with multiple handset variety from Panasonic.  The phones are wonderful.  Clear signal, great sound quality (which is a big one for me) and great range.

Why is it with new technology comes new problems?  I have mentioned before that I am an efficiency guy, aka kinda anal.  My family cannot grasp the concept that putting each handset in a general area each time makes life just a little easier.  Doesn’t this make sense?  A “kitchen” handset should always end up on the same counter area after each use.  A “bedroom” one on a particular nightstand or dresser.  “Office” handset, yep, on the desk in the office.  Does this happen…yeah, right.

Currently all of the handsets reside in exactly the same room.  This is because whenever my wonderful wife gets off the phone, it usually ends up staying wherever the conversation ended.  This is typically the kitchen as it is the hub of our home.  I can handle running across the entire house when a new call comes in, but I don’t have to like it!  How about kids and putting the phone away…excuse me while I pick myself off the floor after a fit of laughing.
I guess having them all in one place is better than not having any idea where they are, which is also a fairly common problem.  Ever run around the house looking for a handset and only hearing the base ring?  That’s because the handsets currently reside behind couch cushions, on top of the fridge and out in the garage.  Of course the couch cushion variety lost its charge a day ago, so don’t expect to find it until the next major cleaning event.

I’ll admit, this is a pretty petty pet peeve, but we get a fair number of calls some evenings.  I have young kids that go to bed early.  It’s such a load of fun to run around trying to find a phone to cut off the ring as it wakes up my one year old!  I bet I do my best time in the 40 yard dash when trying to locate a phone after 8 pm.

Ahh the joys of new technology.  Tether free phones become a new tether in their own special way.  I think cordless phones need a few new options to address this problem.  Most phone systems like this have a “locater” option now, but how about embedding a secondary batter reserved for just this feature after the main battery is dead.

Perhaps a reminder option that can sense which user just finished a call and, if put down not near its designated area a little annoying message can be played, “Put me away!”  Ok, that last one is just my sentiment, but it’d be funny to play as a prank sometime :)

Take for example the commute to work. Yes, we all like this to be as short as possible (I think) and typically we take the route that gives us the shortest time in the car. How many of you try every possible route multiple times both morning and evening and compare when you leave work to the traffic flow. Ok, some of you perhaps. How about do you take into consideration the lights or stop signs along with left turns into traffic you make that will impact the possible wait time and therefore increase your drive time? And how about the shear number of turns you make and at what speed for consideration on wear and tear on your tires. Yep, I’m that bad. I know of one other person as bad as me in this way. He and I used to go to the same destination in two vehicles and, at the same time, take different routes as an unconscious test to see who arrived first. I know, straight to the loony bin for both of us.

If you think the driving habits are not that bad, let me continue. How about the old favorite of where you squeeze the tube of toothpaste. Yep, count me in for the bottom and work my way in to the end. Is there any question as to whether it is the most efficient? My wonderful wife is of course non-caring and squeezes from wherever her hand happens to have grabbed the tube. Does this bother me…well, a little, but not to the point of frustration. I just “fix” it every time I notice. Yes, that is correct. If I notice the tube is not at its most efficient point, I make the adjustment squeeze to everything right again in the universe.

How about toilet paper? Not the fact of whether or not there is sufficient left on the roll, no, that is too easy. Not having any is a whole other topic. I am talking about the direction it rolls. I can see many of you thinking, uh, never noticed and who cares. Me, I care. I much prefer it to roll towards me so a casual flick brings out what you need. My wife, again, doesn’t give this a passing thought. If the the roll is turning the “incorrect” direction, I will actually take the time to switch it. How bad is that?

Do you sort your bills in your wallet? This is of course assuming you have multiple bills of varying denomination to be sorted. How about the order the credit cards are in so the ones you use the most are easiest to access? Do you go so far as to vary what cards and other contents of your wallet/purse contain based on what you will be doing that day? How about where things are located in the fridge? Best use of space and most readily available?

The list goes on, and each thing pretty insignificant on its own, but put together they are beginning to make me wonder. As part of my concern I periodically buck my system and change something up just to make sure I can do it without feeling a panic attack. I don’t want to end up locking my doors 5 times and feeling compelled to step over cracks. It may work in the end for Jack Nicholson on the big screen, but I am pretty sure my family would strap me in the white jacket before then. I’m ok, you’re ok, we’re ok. Whew, back to work.

Give me a break and I might just frequent your establishment a little more often.