What’s Gotta Go

Name me one person who doesn’t go to a Chinese restaurant with at least some anticipation as to what their fortune cookie is going to tell them. If you actually can think of someone that is like that, they probably hate Christmas and kick kittens for fun. Fortune cookies are simply part of the experience of the Chinese restaurant that we have come to love.

I have to admit, though, I am more often lately finding disappointment in my supposed fortune these days. Fortune cookies have become “compliment cookies” instead, offering up lame comments on your character and well being as a person rather than making a bold prediction of your future. I find this very disappointing.

Allow me to share one of my fond fortune cookie memories.

My first “real” serious job during and after college was with a company called Internet Development, Inc (IDI) that I have both fond and not so fond memories of. I learned plenty and poured many years of heart and soul into what ended up being a company that was not much more than a meager paycheck to me. Many promises of fortunes were made, but in the end I realized it was just the proverbial carrot on the end of the stick I would never reach. A few others in the company shared my feelings and we decided to leave together and form our own company. That event formed a great little company known to this day as Infogenix.

These guys were good friends and became even better ones in the years to come, which is the best kind of business to work with. To celebrate our big move, and believe me it was a very big move for us considering how little we all had in cash reserves, our wives joined us for a dinner out. A good indicator of our financial status was the choice of restaurant for this important event – our favorite local Chinese buffet. All laughing aside from that, they have good food and we were excited.

Through the meal we had lively discussion of what the future would hold along with our excitement and trepidation. When the expected fortune cookies all came we began opening them one at a time and laughing at what we all had. It came down to the last cookie, which happened to be mine. I don’t remember who said it, but someone said “Ok, are we all ready to make the jump? Let’s base our final decision on this fortune. It will be the deciding factor.” We all had a good laugh and I gave the cookie a crack open.

I read the fortune aloud, “Follow your own star.”

We were all quiet for a moment in stunned silence, then laughed and agreed our group decision had to be final. Of course chance was at it’s best in that situation, but I still remember that moment and smile.

I can’t see that kind of moment happening again with the crop of cookies I have experienced. Every one of them now falls in that “compliment” category I mentioned before. I don’t want to open my cookie only to find phrases like “You are shrewd with your money” and “Your spirit warms the heart of others.” I find even more lame the “advice cookies” that tell you things like “Choose your friends wisely” and “Be kind to others and it will come back to you.” Gee, thanks.

Did something happen with the fortune cookie writers association that caused them to fear making predictions that may not actually come true? Were they victim of a rash of lawsuits when people’s fortune cookie dreams were squashed, so they now tread on solid ground of merely complimenting and advising? Perhaps this is just a regional thing and the restaurants in my area are buying the neutral cookie options in hopes of not offending their customers? I hope not, ’cause I am offended that I am not getting my money’s worth with what I get these days.

I’ve always thought that custom fortune cookies for business meetings should be an option at Chinese establishments. I’ve always wanted to take a customer to P.F. Chang’s and arrange with the waiter some good cookies at the end of the meal. “Good fortunes are soon in your future.” “Make good business decisions, but make them quick.” Wouldn’t that just be great!

I am thinking I need to start up a fortune cookie business that gets back to the basics. Even better, I think cookies should have some sort of external code marked in them with a food dye that waiters can use to give cookies of different phrases as they feel fit. If someone has been ruthless in their waiter treatment, there can be some particularly good phrases to choose from. Yeah, that sounds like a good business.