Assuming My Help Is Free
Dec 12th, 2006 by What's Gotta Go
Tech geeks everywhere have to relate to what I am about to write. I am sure this applies to plenty of other areas of life too, but since I fit most with the geek side, I’ll share what bugs me on this one. Why is it that people assume what we do, in the tech field, is something they can get from you for free? This is what I do for a living, not tech support per se, but working on the computer. There are other things I do professionally as well, and it should be up to me to determine when I am going to give my services away, not something you can assume that by loose association to me you automatically get for free.
Did that sound kinda strong? Well, maybe my problem is that I am not straightforward when things bug me, but I have been told I wear my emotions very clearly on face, so either some people choose not to notice, or just don’t care.
As usual, I need to backpedal a little to clarify. I enjoy sharing my abilities to help others. I have fixed countless computers, reinstalled Windows more times than likely most Geek Squad idiots down at Best Buy could even imagine, and given away plenty of old hardware I had laying around than most readers of this site have likely ever purchased. I do enjoy it, I just don’t enjoy people I hardly know making that assumption it is free. Minor point you think? I beg to differ.
How about I approach you and plan on a freebie in your chosen field for supporting your family. You’re a doctor, great! I’ll be making some appointments for my kids and family next time they are sick – and go ahead and skip the bill. Own a fledgling restaurant, I’m gonna love all that free food coming my way! I’ll be sure not to come more than once a week though so I don’t abuse our new relationship. I need to find myself a mechanic friend here soon because I think my car needs a new timing belt. I’ll cover the cost of parts though, okay? I am guessing a mechanic or two will happen upon this post and readily agree with me. I figure mechanics often get their services abused like tech geeks.
Is that the key? If you offer a service instead of something tangible, it is obviously something you can give away because it doesn’t cost you anything, right? Wrong! You know what it costs me, time! Time is our most valuable asset. Time can only be spent, never built up or received. How we choose to spend our time is what really defines our lives. That choice is mine, not yours to assume it comes without a price.
Those who know me know that my hobby in recent years is photography. Once I jumped on the digital SLR bandwagon, I have pursued it with passion and enjoyed it thoroughly. I have done a lot of professional work, but I also offer my services for free to a lot of friends & family. This is something I enjoy being able to say “no charge” to those I am closely associated with. I have donated photo shoots to local schools for fund raising, and showed up for charitable causes at no expense. These are occasions when I like to give of myself and my time. This service is also when I have been particularly irked when people assume they have new access to a great freebie. One family in particular has requested new family portraits and figured “thanks” was payment enough. I don’t know them all that well, but because we live within a short distance from each other, that entitles them to free access, right? Obviously I am not bothered enough to send them a bill, but I don’t go out of my way to offer them any extras.
I guess what usually sets me off is when someone wants something for free, but they need me to go out of my way to do it rather than adjust to my schedule. Just the other day this family had taken some photos with their own digital camera that they wanted digitally retouched. They wanted to transplant some kids heads, airbrush a few things, etc. “I’d like that done quickly too so I can get these printed up, when can you have that done?” No do you mind doing this for us as a favor. No how much do you charge since you do this professionally. Idiot that I am, I did it and kept my my mouth shut. Does that mean I don’t get any “heavenly credit” because I performed the task begrudgingly? Probably so. Oh well, perhaps my confession will help me get past it all.
I have also had plenty of friends who I have specifically told I am happy to offer my services for free to them, only to have them bring by a gift certificate to a restaurant, payment or a gift of some kind to say thanks. I have a very hard time accepting these gestures in return for some strange reason. Call it yet another weird quirk of mine. I didn’t ask for it, and I said I was doing my favor for free. I have gotten better over the years in realizing they feel better for not having taken advantage of the situation either. Then they don’t feel bad using me again. It is not quid pro quo though, they just wanted to say thanks, and I appreciate that.
I also appreciate friends who know they are asking for something as a favor, so they work particularly hard to give me advanced notice, make sure I am available and generally speaking ask pointedly if I mind. Just some common courtesies when asking for a favor. Those kind of things make me more than happy to say yes, put it in my schedule and do my best to do a good job when I show up. My next door neighbor requested I take a large (extended) family photo on Dec. 23 because they will have so many people in from out of town. She asked clear back at the beginning of November if I could do this. Now that is some pre-planning that I can appreciate. In general, though, having some flexibility of when something can get done is all I really ask.
Other friends have hired my services, for weddings, events, portraits, etc. I have so appreciated them recognizing that this is a situation where I should be hired, and in return they get a steal of a rate as my thanks. I will happily perform my services for a far reduced rate as a thanks for you recognizing that I am a professional that deserves some compensation.
I think this little therapy exercise has helped me realize I just need to step up say when something is going to cost money. Whether it be photography, computer support, graphic design, etc., anything I do professionally I just need to be clear up front if I would like to offer it for free, or offer up what my rates are to see how interested they really are in enlisting my services.
Once again, I need to make sure I haven’t come across as a complete idiot. I do enjoy offering free help in things I know how to do. All friends who are reading this who have had free photo work or tech support from me – don’t get scared off. If I have told you I am happy to do whatever it is for free, I mean it. I am not keeping some list of who owes me some return favors. I find real enjoyment in being able to give of myself when I so choose. I like when my talents are appreciated. This post is not some backhanded attempt at getting money out of you.
I also greatly appreciate those friends that offer back to me their free help and time when I have asked. I have a former neighbor who I still call upon whenever I build something in my house because he is an engineer and the best at getting things right out of anyone I know. This reminds me, I owe him a good thank you lunch for his recent help. I think I’ll set something up for later this week. Goodness knows I want to make sure he knows I value his time and know when I have been given a great freebie.
Amen to that, as I mentioned before, this is a serious peeve of mine.
So totally true in so many different ways.
What I don’t like is when someone asks me to do something, then expects it done with the snap of a finger.
As others, I do love to help out when I can – it gives me more insight as to how do to something – be it printing a photo – enhancing the photo with a photo program, etc. But, to demand it on the spot is utterly ridiculous.
I have offered to take pictures also. The tradition in the family is now that Sherry can take the different family photos on Christmas Eve. All I ask is maybe a THANK YOU, a note or phone call once they get their photos – THANK YOU, we love it – it’s a nice – even better, beautiful photo. I never get acknowledgement – not that I look for it.
I enjoy taking pictures of the families. I think the best compliment I received was after I took pictures of everyone the first time. Paul’s mom/sister goes, Boy, grandma would have loved these pictures. I felt all warm inside when I heard this.
I will do anything for anybody in a heartbeat.
Prime example – our basement flooded a few months back – it was awful – the smell/stench – it was basically 1 foot of sewer water and nothing but crap (literally) left on the floor. We had a hard time trying to clean up by ourselves. Hubby’s cousin called to say if you need help, I’ll be there – call me, I’ll call you stuff. Well, guess what?? Couldn’t reach him, he never answered his phone, he never called us – not a finger worth of help. Yet, when his family moved into their house, Paul was out there for 2 weeks while he was out of work fixing up the house with his dad and uncle. That is what family does- helps each other out. Yet, it came time that we needed help – we were desperate – and nothing. I do have to admit, Paul’s uncle and his 2 sons came over and got all of the furniture moved out – that I appreciated. And you guessed it – 2 days later his uncle calls for Paul – I need help with my computer – yet Paul had just worked 12-1/2 hours and still went over to his uncle’s to work on the computer (yes, he is the techno person as he used to work for IBM)…but c’mon on – when you’re tired and worked all day – you can’t do it all.
Any advice or help I get is greatly appreciated (and yes Mr. Jeremy – thank you for the insight on taking digital pictures).
It’s hard to say no – it’s hard to say okay, I’ll charge you this much – been there done that. I don’t like to take $$$ for doing something I like to do – but I guess one day we’ll have to put our foot down and just say okay, I’ll do it for this $$$. If you don’t, you can go broke if using supplies, etc.
I agree whole heartedly! I am an artist, and to have someone request a drawing or graphic design…pro bono! I don’t think so! I have had to tell people no many times. I just don’t have the time and unless I am compensated for it, it just isn’t feasible. Now, I enjoy doing drawings for people of their children or families as gifts or just because I like doing things like that.
I do things for my brother, and brother in law and they have been so generous as to help my husband wire our basement, and to set up the computer network. I try to be very gracious and do things for them all the time.
Sometimes I wonder if people think I do nothing all day so I have all the time in the world to do things for them! I like doing things for people, unless they demand it!
Oh Jeremy! I was just about to ask my 19 year old college nephew if he could help me some. I was kinda hoping that he would remember all the good times we had when he was little and would come visit for a weekend and I would spoil him rotten, and that he might have a soft spot for his aunt.
I may have to reconsider.
(By the way, when he first heard the “White and Nerdy” song, he took it a bit personal, according to my sister. His 14 year old brother loves it.)
Oh, and I can’t figure this one out. He had several interviews for internships for the summer of 2007, got several offers, including Amazon.com, two offers from Microsoft.com, and more – and he ended up going with a start up firm in Manhattan. I would think having Microsoft on your resume would be great (personally, I would love to learn from Amazon.com) – but maybe I don’t understand today’s college student.
Comments would be appreciated.
My wonderful sister does hair and nails.
I have told her that I would much rather have her tell me, “No, I can’t” or “No, I can’t do it now”, because then when she says “Yes”, I know it is not a problem for her. And I do appreciate her honesty.
Now the bad part: I have a husband who asks for lots of “favors” for so many things. It is so embarrassing to me. On the other hand, I’m embarrassed to ask for help. My motto: “I am not responsible for my husband’s actions!” Please don’t judge me by him! ;)
My husband also gets the favor questions for computer tech help. I think he and Jayce were commiserating on that the last time we saw him.
I get requests for mending, hemming and alterations, since I’m “such a good seamstress.” Or designing a new outfit/costume/sign/tatoo/and so forth (Lezhai, I feel your pain) Now, I co-host sewing nights once a week with my best friend, and we will cheerfully help you do something, even provide machines, needles, thread and assistance, but if you want us to do it all, when you can see we are working on a deadline project (competition piece, or even a commission piece), why not consider a trade at the very least?
Or heaven forfend, if you HAVE offered a trade-opening up the dozens of buttonholes, ripping out a seam or so forth, FOLLOW THROUGH! It makes us very grumbly to pick up an item you’ve promised to do something for, weeks late, and then have to sit up late the day before the wedding or competition opening up buttonholes and sewing on buttons because you didn’t, and then wouldn’t tell us or let us get it back sooner.
Plus, the office folks, who just know you’ve got the needle and thread in your desk to do that ‘quick fix’ for them. Once or twice is fine,I know accidents happen, and I really do want to ensure that you look professional for your/our clients, but coming in with multiple pairs of pants with a ripped seam/pocket, missing buttons on items and expecting me to take time away from the job to mend them for free every week, and then snark me because I’m ‘an assistant’ causes me to become an unhelpful co-worker-at least for you.
Well, I talked to my nephew, the computer geek at Christmas. In chatting, I said, “What do you know about making a database on the internet.” He shot me down, letting me know that was beneath him. No need to even think of asking for his help.
However, I did give him a great little black book on Manhattan for his time there this summer. And I did say a prayer of thanks when he said he was really considering going to grad school.