I Am Woman…Hear Me Snore….
Nov 17th, 2006 by Ali
We women hold the power of the world in our dish washing pan hands. I came to this conclusion from years of marriage and motherhood. My family would spend their days searching for all their belongings, walking around lost in their dirty underwear if not for me. Not one dentist appointment would be kept….no dry cleaning would ever get picked up….a new life form would breed in our refrigerator and all our house pets would have to turn on each other to eat.
It never ceases to amaze me how I can live in a house with another adult but be the only one who knows that silly string will stain the walls. Or that turtles left on their own loose in a bedroom will disappear into space never to be seen again. And why do I find myself saying, “Okay…take that outside!” when one of the participants in said non-indoor water/ball/pet involved activity is also over the age of 40? I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong…I love my family…adore my husband of 21 years but I thought he had already gone through puberty when I said, “I do.” I know the trend now is to be involved with a younger man but I don’t think they were talking maturity wise. I find it hard to believe at times this “big kid” I married goes to an office everyday where he is “The boss”. I must admit I have moments where visions of board meetings with him blowing bubbles and greeting his staff with a hand buzzer come into my mind.
My daughter I expect to be scattered brained…she is a child. I am not surprised when she puts marshmallows into the microwave to “see what they would do”…this comes with the territory of being a parent. But I need back-up and my partner at times is involved in the wrong side of the learning experience.
We women as the weaker sex may hold the lower percentage of CEO positions, World Leader titles, and covers of Fortune Magazine but without us the world would stop spinning. No socks would ever get paired up, no Bake Sale cookies baked at the last minute, no 3-D models of the Trojan Horse made in Popsicle sticks glued together at midnight, no knees bandaged, no missing hamsters found (who would have guessed the dryer), no tears wiped away, no stuck zippers fixed or no one to blame for everything and to hug as tight all in the same breath…if not for us? Woman-Wife-Mom…Thank God I was born female.
I do not understand how I am responsibly for the location of everything in the house???!!!!! I may not have been involved in the last use of it but I am the one that is always asked, “Have you seen (fill in the blank)?” Amazingly I seem to always know where to look for it…whatever IT was…as I tend to use common sense and think where it might have been used last…thus dropped and left near, behind or in the area as NOTHING is ever put back where it rightfully belongs in this house!!!!!!
One day…in the not so distant future…my family will call out my name and I will not answer as I will be lying on the beach someplace….umbrella drink in one hand and a cabana boy in the other…someday soon….
Ali that was so funny…and so true. I ALWAYS end up doing everything in my household. I have 2 teenagers and no husband and they are the laziest teens on the planet. I’ve nagged my son to do something for me for three days now and his answer is always…’in a minute’. I had to stand at the kitchen sink last night, with a fractured ankle, and do 2 days of washing up cos daughter is too bloomin lazy to get off her butt. And thats just a tip of the iceburg. I’m joining you on that beach.
Schooch over ladies, make room for me. I’ll take a Shirley Temple and a good book!
Jane,
Sorry about your ankle hun. Isn’t it amazing how teens have the innate ability to NOT see the mess around them? My daughter can step over her jacket on the stairs where she’s tossed it to only later ask me if I’ve seen it as she frantically searches for it. Amazing! Your beach chair is reserved….
Lezhai,
One cherry or two in your Shirley Temple? Remember the sunscreen….
Ali, so very funny and so very true, any more room on that beach for a short Brit? English families are just as bad and don’t get me started on the toilet roll dispenser!!
Sue M
Thanks Sue and of course short Brits are welcome…but I’m afraid an umbrella looks odd in Earl Grey. TA!
PS…this will fix ‘em…stop buying toilet paper….
Hey, what is all this guy bashing doing here? Boy, this is going to make me have to come up with some good gender war material!
Actually Ali, loved your post. Funny stuff that reminds me to make sure to not let my very capable wife do everything in the house like I find myself often doing. It’s hard when she is so good at it!
Bring it on Jeremy LOL
Very funny Ali!! I’ve often said that (turn away from the screen Jeremy) men check their brains at the office before coming home.
Oh Jeremy, you’ve hit the nail on the head…woman are too good at these things that men…and kids…take advantage of that fact. Thing is…we would so love it if you would take the initiative and just go ahead and do what needs to be done without asking. We may be capable of doing it all..but so wish we didnt have to…:) I’ll have a Jack Daniels and coke please…without the umbrella..;)
Love
Jane ***
Really it is our own blasted fault. As a Doctor onces said, “We teach people how to treat us”
Ali…two cherries please! Anyone need some SPF 30??
Actually, I really like taking care of everything in the house. And it is the control freak in me that if my hubby tries to be “helpful” I have to try not to redo what he just helped with. So, I make it easy on both of us and just do it before he gets home, or drop hints on how I prefer it done!
Hey, all this talk of the drink and sun is making me jealous. I’ll have to stick to the virgin pina colada and I might head to a different island beach than all you absentee spouses, but I could definitely use some sun and relaxation. ;)
WOW, I seem to hit a nerve here (or is it I HAVE nerve Jeremy?) LOL! I have to give you kudos Jeremy for being a man willing to step into our Estrogen Fest. :)
Ladies….Bloke the Cabana boy will be by shortly to take your drink orders…
Jeremy…Go…Enjoy your island…relax…we women have it ALL under control. ;)
I hate the house, and everyone knows it. My man knows it and loves me anyway. I am a total domestic idiot. I guess I need a 12-step program, huh? I could burn water. I can’t sew a stitch. Tom has some pretty cute pink underwear. I bought buttons and thread for a blouse I really like and that was about 3 years ago, although I did find the buttons and thread a day or so ago, but have once again forgotten where they are–maybe conveniently. We are a first-name basis with every restaurant owner in town. But my man continues to love me. I’m not proud of being domestically challenged. I’m really ashamed of it, actually, but I accept it. I can’t craft. We never go to “Arts and Crap” shows. Yesterday, we were in the store and Tom wanted to look at the decorative Christmas Crap, well that’s what I call it. I can’t decorate either, big surprise, hmmm?
So you ask, what can you do, Terri? I’ve asked myself that quite often in my lifetime. I can type 100 wpm. I can love incessantly. I can tell a half-way decent joke. I’ve been extemporaneously funny on many occasions. I kin spel prity wel. I am also clairvoyant and can read minds, oh and communicate with animals. Not really, just thought I’d throw that one in. :D
Women are not better than men at anything. Men are not better than women at anything either. Those are lame excuses for, “I don’t want to do it; my spouse is better at it.”
Ali, you’re an excellent writer! You remind me of Erma Bombeck. GO WRITE A BOOK–you were born for it.
Terri,
Your hubby Tom is a good man that knows what unconditional love means. And he sees you thru his eyes not your’s. You do have a great sense of humor…the times I spent with you in Utah I had never laughed so much! When my hubby married me he knew he was getting closer to Rosanne than Martha Stewart but took the plunge anyhow…go figure and 21 years later the poor man is still here.
Thanks for the nice remarks on my writing…Erma is one of my heroes so to have you compare me to her…I stand humbled. She was brave until the end facing each day with laughter…I hope to do the same.
Ali, thank you for your kind remarks–you’re an angel.
Jeremy, I picked the wrong millenium to quit drinkin’ and I don’t do the sun. Anybody surprised? :D I didn’t think so. LMHO!